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Twitter @Fesshole 🧻
It was only in the autumn of 2022 that I realised that Liz Truss wasn't the author of 'Eats, Shoots, and Leaves'.It was only in the autumn of 2022 that I realised that Liz Truss wasn't the author of 'Eats, Shoots, and Leaves'.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 22:25:02 GMT
As a child in the 80s, I once drove a Sinclair C5 at a local fair. Not allowed to press the accelerator button and told to only use the pedals, I ther...As a child in the 80s, I once drove a Sinclair C5 at a local fair. Not allowed to press the accelerator button and told to only use the pedals, I therefore pressed the accelerator button, lost control within seconds, drove through a family's picnic and crashed into a tree.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 21:25:02 GMT
My partner is vegetarian and when she annoys me I shout "pork chops" at her phone I the hope she gets targeted with ads.My partner is vegetarian and when she annoys me I shout "pork chops" at her phone I the hope she gets targeted with ads.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 20:25:02 GMT
↩️ Amazing news! 💬 Listen, tosser… 😡🗯: ANON OPIN IS BACK, BABY! Thank you to the mysterious Twitter admin who sorted this out. THANKS @Twi...↩️ Amazing news!Listen, tosser… 😡🗯: ANON OPIN IS BACK, BABY!Thank you to the mysterious Twitter admin who sorted this out.THANKS @TwitterSupport Normal publishing will resume shortly.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 19:35:40 GMT
I recently signed up to a site for married people looking for affairs. I'm single but it works so much better than dating apps and if I can't be arsed...I recently signed up to a site for married people looking for affairs. I'm single but it works so much better than dating apps and if I can't be arsed to see them again or to meet because I'm watching football I blame my imaginary wife. Why didn't I discover this sooner?  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 19:25:02 GMT
When I moved out of home I discovered electric kettles turn themselves off when the water boils. For the previous 19 years my parents had a partially ...When I moved out of home I discovered electric kettles turn themselves off when the water boils. For the previous 19 years my parents had a partially broken kettle that heated the water fine but required a child/teenager to promptly turn it off when it got to boiling!  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 18:25:03 GMT
When my son was little we would often shower together. One time he was staring at my penis and said "it's so big". To this day it's one of my proudest...When my son was little we would often shower together. One time he was staring at my penis and said "it's so big". To this day it's one of my proudest moments as a parent.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 17:25:02 GMT
Recently tried to start a convo with a woman in a pub. She immediately told me there was no chance of anything happening between us. Didn't have the h...Recently tried to start a convo with a woman in a pub. She immediately told me there was no chance of anything happening between us. Didn't have the heart to tell her I'm gay and I let her have the ego boost. Only wanted to know if her cocktail was any good.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 16:25:03 GMT
I love that my husband does most of the bedtime reading with our young son, but he keeps trying to do voices for all of the characters like a professi...I love that my husband does most of the bedtime reading with our young son, but he keeps trying to do voices for all of the characters like a professional audiobook. He's terrible with accents and I'm slowly losing all respect for him.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 15:25:03 GMT
I've recently got in to a train driving sim on my PC. When another train goes past I look to check my wife isn't watching at the door then give the ot...I've recently got in to a train driving sim on my PC. When another train goes past I look to check my wife isn't watching at the door then give the other driver a little wave.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 14:25:02 GMT
When someone in a company branded van drives like a dickhead, I leave the company a 1 star review on Google. My most recent victim was a local locksmi...When someone in a company branded van drives like a dickhead, I leave the company a 1 star review on Google. My most recent victim was a local locksmith who was doing 85mph right up my arse, flashing me.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 13:25:02 GMT
While moving-out of our former marital home, I discovered a large carrier bag at the back of a cupboard containing all the collected fluff that my ex-...While moving-out of our former marital home, I discovered a large carrier bag at the back of a cupboard containing all the collected fluff that my ex-wife ever combed out of our two cats. Conclusive proof – if ever I needed it – that she was indeed bat-shit crazy.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 12:25:03 GMT
I once got my annual salary paid in 1 month. No one contacted me from our wages dept. I emailed them a few days later but put a comma rather than a do...I once got my annual salary paid in 1 month. No one contacted me from our wages dept. I emailed them a few days later but put a comma rather than a dot in the address so it would fail to send & so I'd have proof I'd told them. That was 8 yrs ago, no one's ever contacted me.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 11:25:02 GMT
When farewell cards were passed around the office I used to use a different pen and write messages from made up people with confounding messages. 'Bye...When farewell cards were passed around the office I used to use a different pen and write messages from made up people with confounding messages. 'Bye John - I'll never forget our late night nude chess games. Love, Brian'.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 10:25:02 GMT
My wonderful partner of 30 years uses the bread knife the carve meat it drives my fucking insaneMy wonderful partner of 30 years uses the bread knife the carve meat it drives my fucking insane  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 09:25:02 GMT
I've moved in with my girlfriend of 4 months. She has a box of her childhood teeth. Well, she says they're hers but there are 5 canines in there. Time...I've moved in with my girlfriend of 4 months. She has a box of her childhood teeth. Well, she says they're hers but there are 5 canines in there. Time to leave  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 08:25:02 GMT
Noticed a tiny black hair protruding from my nipple while breastfeeding. Intended to pluck it but always forget about it until the next time I feed. I...Noticed a tiny black hair protruding from my nipple while breastfeeding. Intended to pluck it but always forget about it until the next time I feed. It's now over an inch long & makes an excellent baby moustache. Use the other boob when bf is around so I don't freak him out.  Tue, 27 Sep 2022 07:25:02 GMT
My partner thinks I'm obsessed with trees because I'm always staring at them but as a kid I used to focus on a tree and ask a question in my head. The...My partner thinks I'm obsessed with trees because I'm always staring at them but as a kid I used to focus on a tree and ask a question in my head. The movement of left or right would be my answer. It's become such a habit I'm 55 and still do it like the trees are psychic.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 22:25:03 GMT
In my experimental years of puberty I built and used a vibrating sex toy made out of LEGO.In my experimental years of puberty I built and used a vibrating sex toy made out of LEGO.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 21:25:02 GMT
My husband opened a new carton of milk when there was still some left in the old one. I asked why and he said there wasn't enough in the old one for a...My husband opened a new carton of milk when there was still some left in the old one. I asked why and he said there wasn't enough in the old one for a full glass, and he didn't want to mix the milk of two different cows. My husband is 47.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 20:25:02 GMT
I tell my wife that it turns me on to make love all over the house, in every room and over every table and work-surface. In reality, when we have sex ...I tell my wife that it turns me on to make love all over the house, in every room and over every table and work-surface. In reality, when we have sex in our bed she insists on washing all the sheets the next morning, and I really hate having to make the bed up so often.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 19:25:02 GMT
My mum once took a tin of hairspray back to the shop because it ran out after a couple of uses. Never told her it was because I had been playing Flame...My mum once took a tin of hairspray back to the shop because it ran out after a couple of uses. Never told her it was because I had been playing Flamethrowers with it. Sorry mum. At least I didn't burn the house down.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 18:25:02 GMT
Add your confession to the form: Maybe you did something laughable with a sheep? >> Follow Fesshole's ignored sister account @anon_opin NOW!Add your confession to the form:Maybe you did something laughable with a sheep?>> Follow Fesshole's ignored sister account @anon_opin NOW!http://bit.ly/fessholeform  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 18:15:03 GMT
One night when I was younger, I joined a couple for a MFM threesome. I let the other guy give me a blowjob because he really wanted to. It was the wor...One night when I was younger, I joined a couple for a MFM threesome. I let the other guy give me a blowjob because he really wanted to. It was the worst, most disappointing blowjob I ever had, but I said it was amazing as I didn't want to appear homophobic.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 17:25:02 GMT
I've started waving my turds goodbye when I flush the toilet. At first it was a bit of a laugh and really childish. Now it's actually become quite the...I've started waving my turds goodbye when I flush the toilet. At first it was a bit of a laugh and really childish. Now it's actually become quite therapeutic.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 16:25:02 GMT
I drive a minibus for a local private school, and hate the posh twats I pick up and drop off. I grew up without much, so I make sure I brake late and ...I drive a minibus for a local private school, and hate the posh twats I pick up and drop off. I grew up without much, so I make sure I brake late and go round corners way too fast to make sure the little shits are thrown around.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 15:25:02 GMT
Early in the first covid lockdown my partner and I both worked from home. She asked what I would like for my birthday. I asked for noise cancelling he...Early in the first covid lockdown my partner and I both worked from home. She asked what I would like for my birthday. I asked for noise cancelling headphones. Now I'm single.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 14:25:02 GMT
I've been vegetarian for 7 years. But over the last year I've occasionally started eating meat again as a treat. I know absolutely no one would care t...I've been vegetarian for 7 years. But over the last year I've occasionally started eating meat again as a treat. I know absolutely no one would care that I have. But keeping it a secret makes it taste that much more delicious.  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 13:25:03 GMT
Anon Opin is dead. Please follow @anonopin2 now. And please share this far and wide. We need help here. 💬 Anon Opin 2: A Twitter bug that is pushin...Anon Opin is dead. Please follow @anonopin2 now. And please share this far and wide. We need help here.Anon Opin 2: A Twitter bug that is pushing us into an infinite loop it rejecting a verification code means we have to abandon @anon_opin which is infuriating. Please follow @AnonOpin2 so that we can start posting here.Link:  Mon, 26 Sep 2022 12:39:31 GMT